Rebuilding




Benefield Bunch Fall 2009
 

This picture is of our family the Benefield Bunch while I was pregnant with our last child, Elizabeth. We knew Elizabeth would be our last child. Many people after having their first, second, or third child and so on wonder if they will have any more children. The question we often ask others after they've had a child is, "Are you going to have any more?" I know for me when I couldn't answer that question then that meant I could see more children in our future. But how do you KNOW you are DONE? Well, when I was pregnant with Lizzie we were so sure that our family would soon be complete with our 4th child that Allan had a vasectomy before she was even born. We had no doubts at all.

This past Friday, I had to have a hysterectomy for medical reasons and having nothing to do with family planning. But with this surgery I realized that now I will never be able to have another child.
I honestly am okay with that because God has already given me peace about the size of our family and I know that our family is complete. I still feel that sadness though that I will never be pregnant again and craddling my own new child in my arms. But God has other plans, doesn't he.......

At a recent progressive dinner for my homeschooling group, our director had us pick a card out of a basket with a verse on it. This was my verse:

Therefore with loving-kindness I have drawn you. Again I will build you, and you shall be rebuilt. -Jeremiah 31:3-4.

At first, I wasn't sure how this verse was meant for me. Then with another mom's help she said, well literally you are being rebuilt with your upcoming surgery. With much anxiety with my surgery, this verse brought me peace and understanding. Until you've gone through something yourself you are able to have sympathy but not able to have emphathy for a person going through a similar situation. I think my reason for writing this blog is to say that God is reshaping me and molding me into a different person. It won't be an overnight transition but God knows that I need to slow down, be still, and listen to Him. With four children to tend to, it is difficult and some days impossible to slow down and to listen to what God is calling me to do. He wants me to be slower in how I react to my children and to observe more so I can really understand things with more clarity. God is doing this with love and kindness. He is helping me to see that we are all different. We don't all see things the same way or respond to things in the same manner. He created us uniquely and I am so grateful for that.  Honestly, this recovery time following my surgery is allowing me to look at how I do things, how I treat others, and how others see me.

How is God building or rebuilding you? Are you paying attention? Are you listening? Are you slowing down to hear Him?